Hiatus state

Jonathan always asks me whether a movie is rated 18 before he agrees to watch it.

I have less then 6 minutes to finish this entry.

My brain is jammed during calculus, wasted way too much time on one question, screwed the other 3.

bad. of all subjects, a 4 credit course. *sniffffffffffffffffffffffffff*

sometimes I still wonder if I were sweeter/ less independent/ prettier/ less defensive, will people be protective of me?

because I really feel second class everywhere I go, I am tired of fending and fighthing for myself but I know it's the only way to make me less vulnerable in my position and no one else fights for me when I cannot carry on.

Maybe it's my mind set that needs changing.

I feel like crying and I don wanna continue typing, cuz I don wanna burst out in tears in uni's cyber cafe.

ta.

Easter is today

Sitting in front of the com (like where else can I be?), will be going to church shortly.

*pause*

Not going thro Baptism today, not now.
How can I be so indecisive?
Haven't had the courage to talk to dad about it :(

I'm really tired.
Tired of thinking, of exerting self control, of medidating... of so many things
tired of simply being.

"The road is narrow, but I am with you, you were never alone, never will be alone.
Abandone you, I'll never!"

Your strong arms lifted me up
the same arms that carried the cross
the same strong arms that keeps me safe
the arms that comfort
the arms that was spread out on the cross
to embrace my sin, my punishment.

Eyes where I find compassion
Eyes where I see understanding
In Your gaze I know I am accepted just the way I am.
Because You cried my tears.
You bore my stripes
You loved me like no one ever have.

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

Was what I got when I opened my eyes 5 am to the sound of my alarm clock and read Syen's sms

"forgive me if I wake u.. *shouts n screams* I GOT ACCEPTED TO NUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woooooooooooohooooooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can't help but start praising God, so awesome is He.

Was deeply encouraged by the whole incident, to think that from late last yr till now she was having so many set backs in the whole uni thing, but God bought forth such blessing now.

His timing was so perfect, if she was accepted earlier into other unis, NUS would not have happen. Praise God!!

With that God spoke into my heart that as we hang on to Him, to matter how bleak circumstances seems, He will see us thro, He will give us whats best for us. Simply because our Heavenly Father loves us so so much.

It's not something new to me, but the hope regenerated was so awesome, I can't wipe the smile of my face because God has once again made me see how great is His love for us.

Committed faith in God is a faith that is not swayed by the circumstances or personal crisis. Whatever we are facing now can and should never hinder us from reaching God's purpose for us. That really spoke into my life, expecially the things that I am facing now, pain for a purpose to bring forth God's plan for me.

No wonder Paul says to count it pure joy! =)

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Psalm 16
Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Attended water baptism class today in church, Aunt Lee Choo kept on encouraging me to be baptized.
I donno whether now is the right time, but I know it is required.
besides, when is the right time anyway. zzzzzz.

We were told in class that when we undergo water baptism we should feel undiscribable joy, but I felt dread that by doing so, I am further widening the gap with my family.

I really want my family to come to the baptism service, but that seems impossible, I also want my father's consent for this.

Can anybody tell me whether it is normal to not feel happy and excited when preparing towards baptism?

My uncle has been admitted in to ICU, he was stabbed at his shop on friday. Please pray for his recovery and his young family.

Anyways, going back to uni later di, have to really start studying for the finals.

take care people =)
Blessed Easter!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Suit
Birthday:	1st Dec 1985
Birthplace:	KayELL
Current Location:	Valley of MUD~
Eye Color:	charcoal-greyish
Hair Color:	current: black - blond and brown streaks
Height:	173
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	Chinese
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Heels to church, pain. :P
Your Weakness:	me
Your Fears:	me
Your Perfect Pizza:	erm go light on the tomato? no like sour stuff >.<
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Constantly be in love with Jesus.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	swt
Thoughts First Waking Up:	did I over slept?
Your Best Physical Feature:	speech. is that physical?
Your Bedtime:	anytime :P
Your Most Missed Memory:	Spending time with dad.
Pepsi or Coke:	H20
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McD
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappa
Do you Smoke:	a long time ago
Do you Swear:	a long time ago
Do you Sing:	Love to.
Do you Shower Daily:	if i don't I'll just suffocate in stickyness
Have you Been in Love:	always in love with Jesus.
Do you want to go to College:	In uni now.
Do you want to get Married:	Definately
Do you belive in yourself:	I believe in God. He believes in me. :D
Do you get Motion Sickness:	all the time.
Do you think you are Attractive:	I know I am attractive to God.
Are you a Health Freak:	so NO.
Do you get along with your Parents:	define get along?
Do you like Thunderstorms:	YESSSSS cuz it comes with heavy rain. :P
Do you play an Instrument:	my voice? is it an instrument? XD
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	nadda
In the past month have you Smoked:	nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yup
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	of cuz ler.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	ohoho, yesss.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No. I. want. sushi!
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no one to dump me also :P
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Ha. haha. In my bathroom.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	nope
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	errrrrrrrrrr
Ever been Beaten up:	uhhuh
Ever Shoplifted:	yup
How do you want to Die:	With my family celebrating, going to a better place. :)
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I guess I'm all grown up now:P, I wanna be what pleases God.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Africa
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Ears feasting to : Behind these Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson

One fine day I will sing and dance and go crazy under the rain with you! *winks at fellow rain dancers*

Am fully enjoying the weekends before return to UM tomorrow night to prepare for my coming finals.

I still have a lot of decisions to make before the semester ends. Those who are waiting my reply for 'something' come ask me again later next week.

whats a blog for anyway?

Am having a hard time thinking of a title for my 'new' ahem blog, if your eyes are sharp enough. the archives are long gone.

turning into the 2nd year of blogging soon, to those who have been here with me for almost that long, let me say that I am truly blessed and encouraged by your presence, the laughter and tears that we share. Altho we hardly meet. You guys know who you are!!! I thank God for each and everyone of you.

Apart from seeking a direction for this place, God has been opening so many doors for me lately. I am deeply grateful for His grace to use me inspite of my weaknesses and imperfections. but yet when I see the road up ahead I doubt my heart that is still ever feeble, I doubt my strength, I doubt my ability...

"and that is where I can use you to glorify My name."

It's when things are falling apart do I realize the ever pressing need to turn to and trust in Him. It's at these times of hardship that I see God's graciousness and grow to understand that My character is all that He wants to mould and my life, obedience and love is all that He is asking for.

God is concern about what He can do in me, and not what I can do for Him.

Till my musings grace this site again (perasanism on high) take care, and to those facing/ preparing for papers.

Study hard and smart.

With love.

is sitting next to me. Click Jia Hui to check her out. Yes this is a free promo.

XD

having the blog itch. Had hockey test today, sometimes I think I have bird's eye vision. Most of the time I hit the grass rather than the ball. *cuts hole in paper bag*

This week is the final week of classes, I name it the semi-study week. most lectures cancelled di.
How much I have studied is another issue all together. :(

Jia Hui just scold me for reading her unfinished blogpost. nyahahhaha.

Nyeh.

Someone's phone just rang LOUDLY in the com lab followed by a loud crash.

I find that terribly funny. teehee.

_____


On a more serious note,

One year have pass (much to my relief, believe it or not). In Uni Malaya.
Reflecting back on the year I would conclude with three words.

Brokeness. Hope. Love.

Brokeness was what I truly felt. Being crushed inside and out. Expecially when God brings me face to face with my self-pride and constant denial of sins.

Yet I choose to push God aside until He had to inflict pain as a warning sign.

I am still learning to come to term with my new life here in campus, with my family and with my church.

It's sad whenever I go home I see my father getting older and older. It breaks my heart to some times not even having the ability to communicate with him properly. Can love go in being unsaid?

Hope is what I have being anchored in God as He continues to guide me, the road might be narrow, yet my trust will be in Him, even at times where I don't feel it. My mind rest in the knowledge of all that He is. My God and Father.

Love is what compels me to follow Him, personally, many times i realise that the even the many blessings we have on earth is tempoprary, and even at times where the comfort is taken away from me. I know that by grace I still have God and He is love. Let that be enough.

___________

A random note that as this is posted. Jia Hui, Syen and I are blogging simultaneously. XD

Lets see.

It's April.

Whats going on with me?

Lost a couple pf valuable things of late, too many and to taxing to recall here.

Have not been going to church as much as I would have liked, always staying back in uni during weekends, or until saturday, only manage to attend Sunday service (even if it was possible).

The ownership I once felt fot my church is long gone. Mainly because I can't join any of the weekly meetings there, and that i am close to no one in particular? I have not the slightest clue.

Visitted ACTS church last sunday, thanks to Adrian, Olivia and Joy who arranged transport for me (you guys have no idea how desperate I was to go to church that I was actually thinking of just taking the train to a random station and just go for a random service at a random church).

heh.

Met Ps. Kenneth and Ps. Sandra, was encouraged by thier zest, passion and love for God, totally mind blowing. The church radiated with God's love and it was so cool to finally be in the congregation for once, and it was so long since I worshipped with so many people. There is no point in comparing any church, each of us are unique, I just pray that being in uni does not draw me away from my local church.

CF proved to be an encouragement, having people to pray with, pray for and being prayed for, Thank God that I know that they are just there for me, a bunch of people to be with.

The semester is drawing to an end, exams up from 14th Apr to 2nd May. Holidays as usual are fully planned :P

Hope to get a job as a substitude teacher again, (teaching rocks!), might be going to Singapore during the school hols (not too sure yet) Ipoh is another place I wanna go, so is Penang (anyone wanna host me?? :P), hehehehe FOOD! (Uni has so deprived me from good food).

What is definate is that I'll be going to Tanah Rata for T.H.E. (terrific, exciting, happening - cool name?? :P) Camp. Organized by CF mainly to mobilize people to serve in campus the following year.

But the highlight of the hols will definately be PITAS MISSION TRIP!!! from the 5th to 11th July. I'll miss the first 3 days of classes... heh (but for free air fare wor) . I am so excited to go to Pitas again, miss the people there so much. Thier frequent letters, despite my absence for one whole year, has been one of the driving force for me to study now.

I need holidays.

So long since I typed randomly what is on my mind. Uni life have been hectic and dry, God is really disciplining me into maturity, things are getting tougher. Many things seems to be falling apart, and all in all I still have to learn the lesson of living by His strength and Spirit instead of mine.

My hope is anchored in God, I am comforted that whatever i am going through is compulsory for His purpose.

=) take care and blessed Easter!